there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Barsexuality is the new black.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
