Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
