So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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