You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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