I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
