So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
