Got a toothbrush?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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