so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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