i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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