I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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