Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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