so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
