I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
