it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
