You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
