She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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