Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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