My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
