your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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