she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
