You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
