Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
