Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
