And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
