I hate your face
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My dad just said "fuck circus"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
please don't ironically join a cult
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