is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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