I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
