Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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