dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
