Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
