I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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