i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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