wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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