I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
