Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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