Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
