someone owes me an orgasm
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
