too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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