just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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