The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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