We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
