Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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