You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
