Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
