I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
