Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
