Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
