you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
