..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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