you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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