Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
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Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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