It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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