So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
