I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
