Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize