this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
