Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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