He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
