you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
