Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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