the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
