You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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