I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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