The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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