we have pet lesbian snakes
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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