what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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