can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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