At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
