Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
