She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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